I have cried everyday for the past two weeks at least, and to be honest I’m kind of sick of it

“Abbey, I think I love you.”
“Anthony, I think my heart just stopped.”
“No, wait, let me rephrase that. I know I love you.”
Yep. I didn’t say it back but he said he wasn’t looking for a reply, and it’s not uncomfortable or anything. I’m not even worried about it. It’s just…..wow. I don’t think it’s sunk in yet. This is so surreal.

Anthony almost told me he loved me last night, I swear. We’ve been talking about it, saying we’re falling for each other and we’re pretty sure it’s going to happen eventually, we just don’t know when. I asked him if it would scare him if it were sooner rather than later, and he said it wouldn’t. Then last night he was saying he wanted to tell me something but he didn’t know how, and saying ‘not yet’ and ‘it’ll be sooner than later’ and ‘you probably already know what it is anyways’ so. I mean I’m not slow, I just pretend to be to get shit out of him lol. We dropped the subject because I didn’t want to pressure him or anything, and I’m not sure how I even feel about this right now anyways, but while we were outside saying our goodbyes he said he really wanted to tell me. Blah blah basically I’m pretty sure I heard him mutter it under his breath while we were kissing but not really kissing cause sometimes we just stand there looking at each other with our lips against each other’s like a super long kiss or something idek but yeah. I pretended I didn’t hear anything. Hm I wonder.

I never write on here anymore, and even when I do it’s very rare. Isn’t it sad that not only am I too lazy to write things out in my journal, but I also can’t even type them out? Yeah. I’m gonna try to use this more often. No one cares but I want it for me so I need to start up again.

I hate when I get like this. I run through all the possible negative aspects and outcomes. I lose sight of the pros and focus only on the cons. Why can’t I just be happy and stay content with what I have? Why do I have to try and ruin everything good?

I feel so helpless. I hate standing by while someone I care for is having a miserable time. There’s nothing I can even do about it except offer all my love and support, and frankly that’s just not enough. I try to talk them out of the rut, convince them that the way they’re feeling is distorted and they really are lovely. I just want to bear their burdens.

omg so mine and Anthony’s two month was on the 22nd, so like two weeks ago, and he gave me a mix cd this time. I just got the second part of the surprise today, and it was a bunch of little colored index cards with the song explanations on them and he made it into a scavenger hunt so that I’d have to use the clues to find the next card and just sdfjksdkfjskdfj. He’s so cute and clever and aw.  

“I want a future with you. I build my ideals and they include you, every time.”

LET ME JUST CURL UP AND SKDFJSKDRJ OMG

Some things that I’ve come to learn lately:

• It does get better. If you’re following this blog, there’s a 75% chance that you think your life is shit and always will be shit, because that used to be all this was about, but I can assure you it won’t be that way forever. Things always look up.
• The world isn’t out to get you.
• Don’t let your negativity get in the way of new opportunities.
• You deserve to be happy, no matter how much you may hate yourself and think you don’t.
• Not all human beings are fucking awful. Some are actually kinda nice.
• Just because a girl likes the same guy that you do doesn’t make her a slut. Just because she knows how to speak to him and you don’t doesn’t make her a slut. *I actually learned this after I got into a relationship and could look at it in an unbiased way, because I admit, I automatically did that too.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff. Everyone pretends to have that idgaf attitude, and I have always been pretty close, but now I think I’ve finally achieved it.
• Eat healthier. It makes you feel better. *But at the same time, if you want that ice cream then eat the goddamn ice cream.
• You’re really not as ugly as you think you are. *You might still be a little bit ugly though.
• Someone finds you attractive. When they say they didn’t notice those flaws until you pointed them out and that they actually like those aspects of you, they’re being honest.

jade-west-deactivated20111119-d asked: hey I love you stop having a life and post more that's all

Hey I love you too. I don’t have a life I just don’t like putting the effort into writing my thoughts down anymore because somehow I’ve gotten lazier.